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Last week I reviewed Jaws the Revenge and I pointed out that not only is it the crapest Jaws movie ever made but also the worst Christmas movie ever made. The earlier part of that may be truer than the latter as while looking up Christmas movies to review for the site I came across some movies that I really need to name and shame. So here we go with some of the shittiest Christmas movies ever made.
SANTA WITH MUSCLES
One thing we know for sure is that movies and Hulk Hogan don't really mix well in terms of artistic value. Recently Hulk has been in the headlines for starring in another kind of movie which is blue and contains him banging his best friends wife. I was going to look it up and see what all the fuss was about. When I came to type the words in I couldn't do it.. I just couldn't do it!
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| Hogans shitty fake hair is the only thing that is funny in this one. |
I and I am sure millions across the world have the same sentimental affection for the Hulkster going back from childhood WWF memories. Watching Hogan "Hulk up" on some dudes wife was just something I couldn't bring my self to watch. It would be like watching your granddad having it off so its just not right. Plus last time I watched a wrestling related porn film I discovered Chyna had an over sized clit which looked like a little cock.
Santa With Muscles is just as bad as any the above mentioned porn in the sense that this movie is just as horrific to watch. So Hulk Hogan is this asshole who ends up thinking he is Santa and he has muscles. This movie is so bad it make Paranormal Activity 3 look like an artistic master piece. This movie is up there for top contender among the shittest films ever made.
THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL
Technically this is not a movie and in fact according to George Lucas this never happened. The sad thing (or should I say the absurd thing) is that this really happened. The poster looks awesome and in 1978 millions tuned in to watch the Star Wars Holiday Special.
The Star Wars Holiday special was made just after the first movie and I don't know if they thought there would never be a sequel to episode IV and decided to milk the mother for all its worth in one last ditch effort or.. George Lucas was smoking crack.
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| Nice haircut Luke! |
The show starts out with Chewy and Han Solo in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon talking about how today is "life day" and Chewy needs to get back in time to see his family. We get to meet his family who are a very weird bunch of Wookies who actually have a nice house with lots of bookcases and all the trimmings.
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| Chewbacca's son who he simply calls "bllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrhhhhhgg" |
Chewy's family are an annoying bunch of hairy twats who groan for about five minutes while Chewy's son annoys his grandad with a toy space craft. This movie then goes back and fourth with loads of famous people you've never heard of doing awful skits and terrible musical parts.
The only coolish part of this whole awful mess is the fact they included a cool Boba Fett cartoon which was pretty cool. The Star Wars Holiday Special is one of the worst things you will ever see. If you like Star Wars you will fucking hate this movie/strange TV show.
PART II NEXT WEEK
LOST ENTERTAINMENTS 2012 CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN
