DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME
This is a true story which I have spoken about before on the site in a few separate articles and posts. It's the story of a dumbass kid wanting a wrestling figure and pair of pliers.
Many of my close friends know about this story and it's something that could have killed me so I think it needs to be documented. So without any further delay I give you the PLIERS ACCIDENT
So it's 1991 little K ROD is 7 years old and Hulkamania is runnin wild. I have been a wrestling fan and have been into everything that goes with it since I can remember.
1991 was the height of my wrestling love affair and it was around this time I was collecting the first series of WWF Hasbro toys. These things were a revelation and are still loved to this day. I had them all at the time apart from one..
Macho Man Randy Savage! Randy Savage was one of the greatest of all time and I don't think anyone can argue that and his action figure was equally as awesome. I had the other ten or so figures but this was the last one I needed. My parents had just divorced at the time and money was a bit tight at home, and plus I'd already had a lot of wrestling figures and a ring in a very short space of time.. so the answer was no.
Even though my mum said no I was not going to be stopped.. OOOHH YEAH
The next day at school I sat there and had a revelation after hearing one of my mates saying he'd received £5 from the tooth fairy. I had a wobbly tooth at the time but it wasn't quite ready yet if only I could find a way of easing it out, getting a fiver and buying the action figure. He who dares and all that..
Back in class I was going through the toy boxes seeing if there was anything I could use to get my tooth out. After going through all the lego and other crap I found a mini pair of pliers and that was all I needed. I put em down me Batman underpants and took them home with me.
Back home my mum was at work and I was being looked after by my older teenage sisters at the time. I went in the living room pulled the pliers out and got on the sofa, laid down and started to try and prize my tooth out and..
I SWALLOWED THE PLIERS!!!!!!!!!!
As I was laying down I somehow managed to drop the pliers down my throat where they got lodged. I tired calling my sisters for help but just gargled as the pliers stuck. The came running along to help and I was pointing to my mouth that I was choking to death.
They grabbed my by my feet and hung me upside and shook me with my sister Michelle shouting "I CAN SEE IT" with that I got up to my feet and swallowed them like a tablet. I looked at them and said "gone" with much relief.
My mum came home immediately to see if I was ok and I felt fine which I did. I'd had a near death experience with a pair of pliers and won I was King Kong that day!
Later on My dad came home that night to collect some things and when I told him he just said "oh well.. they'regonna come out of your arse" and left. His words didn't comfort me much I'm not gonna lie.
The next few days were very stressful indeed. Imagine being 7 at school wondering when this metal tool is gonna come out your backside and not just that.. which way round. My singing in assembly wasn't up to par that week let me tell you that! I just held it in and hoped for the best.
A few days passed and after holding it in I passed an oily loaf which made the sound of metal clunk in the toilet. I managed to pass them closed with no trouble at all. We got a coat hanger got them out and disinfected the shit out of them literally. My mum cried when she saw how big the pliers were as she thought they were ones from an action figure or something. She also went out and got me Randy Savage as well seeing as I'd earned it,
I still have the pliers and the toy to this day.
Till next time
K ROD
